Firebrand

poetry

I’d pay strangers to applaud
To numb the silence of my friends
Why would I ask you how it starts
When all you see is how it ends
If you decide your life is real
Finally find me out in space
Where I’ve floated for forever
Since you put me in my place
It never ceases to amaze
The way we tiptoe through the dust
As if our whispers don’t leave ghosts
As if there’s money behind trust
But when the time comes that you’re asked
If I’ve been crazy all along
Will you conveniently forget
The words we used to belt in song
With all the music in the pubs
And all the people in the streets
When our memories were our present
When when we couldn’t wait to meet
Now it feels like something’s different
Though I can’t say what has changed
It’s like we’re in the same apartment
With all the tables rearranged
And I keep hitting the corners
Which is embarrassing for you
I issue all apologies
But now then what else could I do
I’m afraid of losing family
Scared that I don’t know anyone
I know I need to stand my ground
But all my instincts scream to run
I’ve heard it’s lonely at the top
I would still try it for the view
I assume it beats the brains out
Of rock bottom (it’s lonely too)
Seeking solace in privation
To sidestep one more major loss
Is something understandable
Don’t bear me as if I’m your cross
Spare me if you are indifferent
But if you love me fucking say
It at least to yourself each night
At least once each and every day
And every time that your heart beats
And whenever you next breathe
I want to be a part of you
I want the heat to make you seethe
You think I should be serious
Why when you’re stark enough for two
I think you’re scared to hear me laugh
As if my joy could run you through
True I’m bad at moderation
But look I’m not saying your name
Just in case part of you wants to
Know you’re nothing I’m ashamed of
And of course I’ll wait forever
And of course I love you still
Somehow I’m sure I always have
Somehow I’m sure I always will